Fatherhood Changed

Fatherhood Changed HE

Fatherhood changed me and continuously teaches me about humility. My toxic masculinity was defused by the birth of she. Ignited by chauvinistic views prior to her arrival. I saw through a distorted lens that was clothed in arrogance, selfishness, and bad pride. My futile attempt to remedy this problem was to replace the camera. You see I thought it was a functionality issue since I’ve dropped the camera many times.

But it wasn’t until I looked at the lens through a magnifying glass to see it had been slightly cracked,  worn down, shattered, fogged out, with what seemed to be a permanent haze to the natural eye. Too thick to see the clear blue sky accompanied by endless orange horizons at sunset. 

A once pure lens that captured the essence of a father kissing his son on the forehead before watching him trot down the railroad tracks off to school. It snapped a moment in time of a pregnant mother glowing before she birthed her first born. Out of so much agony there is beauty. 

You see the moment I met she, I was taken back to that 5 year old boy in Philly reaching out for mom's arms asking her for more pork sausages mom, please. Transported into a dimension where time didn’t matter, hate was a grain of sand on the beach being consumed by LOVE. 

I breathed in life for the very first time when I held her in my arms. My failures transformed into success, doubt converted into faith, fear was disrupted by courage and in that moment, I could taste love. I’ve smelt the fragrance of love but never have I ever tasted it. 

My pallet became so refined that I no longer desired bad food. I only wanted to consume organically grown grass fed hormone free noruishment. Which clearly makes me stronger, faster, and healthier. Because at the very moment I knew, that I was about to run many marathons for the rest of my life. 

She overwhelmed me with LOVE. That agape kind of Love. It was at that moment that I finally understood my purpose in life. Fatherhood changed me. 

- Malik K. Murray